Only

I would recommend a book by Jeff Feldhahn and Eric Rice (with Shaunt Feldhahn) titled, For Young Men Only: A Guy's Guide to the Alien Gender, for any parent of an adolescent boy (especially useful for a father/son discussion about identity, relationships, and sex). I was fortunate enough to receive three copies in a special pre-release (I have already given a copy to each of my male interns in hopes that they might consider using such a resource in mentoring a middle or high school student). You can read more about the book at foryoungmenonly.com. Copies are available at A1 Books for just $7.00 a piece (http://search.a1books.com/cgi-bin/mktSearch?act=showDesc&code=gbase&rel=1&ITEM_CODE=160142020X).

Chapter four, titled "When Girls Stop Making Sense," happens to be my favorite chapter. One of the biggest complaints by guys, no matter their ages or experiences, is that girls' actions seem to be completely random. The authors adamantly disagree. They claim that there is something very real going on deep down in each girl which bubbles up to the surface in the form of their behavior. The responsibility of each guy is to actually take the time to understand her (one of the main reasons that being a good husband is not that easy). The authors invite each reader to contemplate moments in their lives when they were baffled by the actions of the opposite gender . . . and then reflect upon how they chose to respond to the situation. The truth is that God made males and females different for a purpose . . . maybe one reason behind this creative genius was so that we would actually take the time to understand each other (rather than make fun of the differences like so many "self-help" doctors do or worse yet pretend like the differences just don't exist - sameness is not equality).

The study revealed four main reasons why women respond the way they do to men (from the mouths of over six thousand ladies interviewed). First, the guy did something (even if he did not realize that he had done anything - the story of my life!). Second, the girl might be dealing with another situation that the guy is unaware of (clueless might be an appropriate word here). Third, there might be something going on inside her heart and mind (uncertainty, insecurity, etc.). Finally, the girl might be dealing with some biological difficulties (it happens). For some of us, the previous conclusions might have been obvious (probably not), but for a teenage boy these truths are golden as they interact with the ladies in their lives.

The authors highlight the words of an apostle, "The same goes for you husbands: Be good husbands to your wives. Honor them, delight in them. As women they lack some of your advantages. But in the new life of God's grace, you're equals. Treat your wives, then, as equals so your prayers don't run aground" (1 Peter 3:7, The Message). What a refreshing message - the authors actually have the courage to challenge men to take responsibility in taking the extra time to understand and help women! Guys are asked to imagine a scenario where a girl that they are interested in is not being herself one day . . . how will the guy choose to start a conversation (a novel idea for all of us)? How will he respectively and gently invite her to actually share her feelings (great question)? What are some things that he should never say? Don't we want to see healthy relationships occur between our students? How much better would it be if guys actually looked for the reason behind what girls did? Picking up nonverbal clues? Asking considerate questions instead of making terrible assumptions? Seems like sound advice for all of us!

My only complaint about the book had nothing to do with the content (the substance was from a biblical perspective) but more to do with the communication (the style of writing). To often, more so earlier on the book, the authors attempted to speak in a "youthy" tone. They used some phrases and illustrations in order to connect with the audience but actually distracted attention from their credibility as adults. Too often youth leaders make the mistake of believing that they have to "be one of them" to relate to all of them - when students know very well that we are not one of them (and never will be). They want us just to be us. Whatever that might be. They just want to know that we care and that we can be trusted. Yes, we have every responsibility to interpret the bible and the culture . . . . and then to bridge those to worlds together. However, do not mistake relevance with that which is recent. Knowing all the latest lingo will never change a life . . . but looking into the heart of a student and calling them to be Christ-like in their context will!

Official Description: The best-selling ONLY series returns with a one-of-a-kind guide for teen guys on how to figure out girls. Drawing on a fresh national survey of 600 teen girls, as well as hundreds of personal interviews, For Young Men Only reveals the real truth about what teenage girls think, what they want, and how average teen guys can build healthy friendships with high quality girls. Full of surprising revelations and practical advice, For Young Men Only delivers help straight from the girls themselves in a fun, easy-to-read, easy-to-talk about format. Warm, witty, and honest, authors Jeff Feldhahn and Eric Rice tell plenty of personal stories and draw on solid biblical principles to guide young guys through the often daunting world of the opposite sex. Their goal is to help teen guys build self-confidence and understanding, and show them how to pursue a relationship with a girl while giving her the respect and protection she deserves.

Official Bio: Jeff Feldhahn is an attorney and the owner of the tech company, World2One. With his wife, Shaunti, he wrote the best selling FOR MEN ONLY. Eric Rice is the owner/director/producer of 44 Films. Eric lives in Atlanta area with his wife, Lisa, and their four teenage children. Shaunti Feldhahn is a nationally syndicated newspaper columnist, public speaker, and best-selling author whose books include FOR WOMEN ONLY, FOR YOUNG WOMEN ONLY (with Lisa Rice) and FOR PARENTS ONLY. You can read her blog at http://www.shaunti.com/AboutShaunti/OntheRoadBlog/tabid/136/Default.aspx.